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Monday, June 27, 1977, 8:00 am, Day 517
I got a little bad news to tell this morning. My Honda battery was stolen. I left my motorcycle parked outside overnight. Luckily, I took off the mirrors and the tool kit and brought them inside. I also locked the front fork, so nobody could just walk off with it. In taking the battery, the thief just cut the wires and cut the rubber strap that held it on. Both could have been easily undone without cutting. They didn't even check under the side panel on the other side of the motorcycle. That was where my tools would have been. I think that it will still be able to start without the battery, but I won't know for sure until it stops raining.
Monday, June 27, 1977, 10:00 am, Day 517
Kathy came over this morning here at Yengema. The Scrabble board was still set up from the night before. We were looking it over and the first thing that Kathy said was that I spelled my first word wrong. I spelled "limated" and it should have been "limited". When writing in this journal last night, I mistakenly wrote that my first word was "unlimited". I spelled it right that time, but that word has 9 letters and so would of course be impossible to have as a first word. The "un" was added unconsciously because during the game I thought about adding it on. Looking at it today, I see that I could have made "malted", leaving the "I" out, and thereby losing alot of points. It never entered my mind that I had misspelled the word yesterday, and luckily for me it never occured to Chris either.
I just a while ago went out and tried to start my motorcycle. It started right up. That's good. I would have been pretty much stranded otherwise. My horn and turn-signals do not work but my headlight should still work. I will be going to Freetown in a few days so I will have to pick one up there, or else work it out so that I will stop off in Bo to get one. I think that I would rather pick one up in Bo because the Honda place is better.
Sunday, July 3, 1977, 5:00 pm, Day 523
I am in Freetown now. I came down last Thursday for a meeting on Friday.
During some of my spare time I finished up the 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle that Steve and Jacque gave me for Christmas. I started the puzzle last March and it took me 5 sessions to finish it. Each session would begin after dinner. After clearing the table, I would get out the puzzle box. Between sessions, I would take the puzzle apart in sections to get it in the box. Just setting up and putting away took about 20 minutes each and every time. In between, I averaged about 4 hours of puzzling progress, so that I figure it took me about 20 hours, not counting the time used in setting up and putting away. That works out to 100 pieces per hour, or one piece every 36 seconds. That's not bad.
Sunday, July 3, 1977, 10:00 pm, Day 523
I have been exercising my toes for about 2 to 3 weeks now and they are showing some progress. It all started when my neighbor lady had her baby. I saw it when it was still less than a day old. I was impressed by the kid's toes. Comparing the baby's toes with its fingers, the toes had almost as much movement. I was curious, and so have since been practicing with my own toes. I am now convinced that toes are capable of individual movement, but that it is an art lost to most people. Most people have never tried to get individual movement out of their toes, basicly because the brain has forgotten how to do it.
For a few minutes a day, for almost every day, I would sit down and prop my foot up in front of me. I would then work hard at getting my toes to move. It has been hard work, because my brain has forgotten where to send the impulses that are required to move my toes. By practicing and practicing, I have been able to increase my toe mobility, but I am still a very long way from complete individual movement. That is my goal and I think that it is possible. Just this evening, I was able to move my next-to-little-toe sideways back and forth while keeping the other toes motionless. If I can teach the other toes this same trick along with also going up and down, then I will have reached my goal.
Often, in concentrated trying to move my toes, I end up moving my fingers or something because my brain doesn't know what to do, and so just has to hunt around trying different things until it happens across something that works. This is easier said than done. I so far find it almost impossible for me to concentrate on my middle toe. I also seem to be very much left-footed, which I knew before. The toes on my left foot seem to be much smarter than the toes on my right foot.
Tuesday, July 5, 1977, 11:00 am, Day 525
I feel really down these past few days. I think that it has alot to do with the state of all my clothing, etc. Everything that I own is pretty much worn out and needs to be replaced. Part of me says I should go out and get my clothes situation all taken care of. I know that that is what I should do, and should have done long before now. The money is there, so it is not like I couldn't afford it.
The reason that I feel bad and am faced with this clothing situation is that there is another part of me that is very, very reluctant to go out and get it all taken care of. This part of me seems to be afraid to go out and meet with and deal withall of the different people. He would have to see merchants and tailors, and discuss prices and materials and colors and styles and sizes. I guess that he is afraid because he hasn't dealed in this stuff very much before, and feels that the situation would make him feel uncomfortable, and even more so, is afraid that it might overwhelm him somehow. I think there might be a deep sense of insecurity in there somewhere.
I know that this seems like nonsense and that there is really not anything to be afraid of, but what can I say to the guy, how can I make him see that there is nothing to be afraid of.
I think that the only way to get the situation resolved is to grab hold of the guy, restrain him so he cannot run away and hide, and drag him along as I go out and meet and deal with all of the merchants and tailors. This way the guy might finally realize that nothing is going to hurt him. After he has gotten a taste of dealing with the tailors, he might find that he even likes the situation and so might lose any fears about it that he had before.
Now, during these last two pages, I have been writing like there were two people, me and one other guy. Actually, this other guy is me also, but I don't like him too much. At the moment I feel completely seperated from him, and I would like to lose him completely. The trouble is that he is part of me, and quite often he is even the dominant part of me.
It sounds like I am possessed (by a demon, if you will). Except for in the movie, "The Excorcist", people these days don't seem to believe in demons. However, I found while reading in the Bible that Jesus and his didiples and the people around during that time all believed in demons. Alot of Jesus' miracles consisted of forcing the demons to come out of people, thereby making them into better human beings. If this other part of me is indeed a demon, the same as the kind in the Bible, then I could sure use an excorcist or something. As I see it at the moment, this demon is causing all of the bad points and flaws in my personality. Basicly I feel that I am a good person. At times, though, I feel that I come across as a really bad person. As I noted before, I am hard to get along with when I have a fever or something. I think that this would be the demon showing himself. Also I feel that it could also be this demon's presence which makes me reluctant and even afraid to go out and meet and deal with people.
I feel that this is all a very wierd theory, and anyone reading this might think that I am now completely crazy or mad. Who knows, maybe I am. But I hope that I am still sane. If this demon theory is tru or not, I might never know. I don't think that i will be going around searching for an excorcist or anything, because they are probably all crackpots anyway (just like you might think I am). Instead, I will have to deal with the situation as I have always wanted to do. That would be to just try to overcome my fear of meeting people, and to try not to be irritable towards people that I do meet. Also, to try to develop alot of self-respect for myself as that will supposedly form a good foundation from which it will be easier to deal with other people. This is what I am trying to do. It might be impossible. Who knows if I will ever succeed. But it is the only life that I have, so I will have to use it as best I could, and try to get it to live as it should. If there is in fact a demon in there with me, it will mean a constant battle with him until I could hopefully finally overcome him.
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