Tuesday, January 31, 1978, 9:00 am, Day 735

Last night was to be a big dance, native music, and so everyone in the whole chiefdom was planning to go to it. For Sia Kundi, as all of the others, this was to be the biggest social event in a long time, bigger even than the Christmas dance.

Well, yesterday morning Kabba caught Sia Kundi smoking. Kabba says that she shouldn't smoke, even though he himself smokes. For Sia Kundi's punishment, Kabba said that she couldn't go to the dance. If Kundi couldn't go, then I wasn't going to go either. Kabba left that afternoon for the dance. Around about 7:00 that evening, Sia Kundi said that she was going, and that she wanted me to go also. So we went.

When we reached Densembadu we split up, Sia Kundi going into hiding, and me going on into town to the Paramount chief's house to greet the chief. While I was sitting there, I told the chief the story about Kabba and Kundi. A little while later, Kabba came in. He asked me about Sia Kundi, and after much hesitation, I tild him that "yes, she had come to town." He left again. A while later, Sia Kundi herself peeped in, and seeing that Kabba wasn't there, came in to greet the chief.

We were all sitting there. There were alot of other people around. Then Kabba came in. He stood quietly at the back of the room for a minute or so. Then he walked over and took Sia Kundi's hand. He pulled her to her feet and led her into the next room. As soon as he was through the door, I could hear him start to beat her. I didn't actually see it, but I have a pretty good idea. Taking his fist, he first gave her a solid blow. This sent Sia Kundi to the ground. He didn't stop there, though. While she was still down, Kabba hit her again, maybe 5 or 6 more times. All sounded like really heavy blows.

By this time, everyone realized what was happening and they went to Sia Kundi's rescue. As soon as they got Kabba away from her, Sia Kundi was up and out the door, a very frightened look on her face.

Kabba was in a rage and wanted to go after her, but the people held him back. One of the chief's wives did the best job of this, and the chief himself was in there trying to talk some sense into Kabba. This went on for quite awhile.

Now for my part in all of this. My heart was in the right place, but I am ashamed to say that my body played the part of a chicken-livered, yellow-bellyed, sapsucker. I couldn't help myself. I was slower to react than the rest. By the time that I got to my feet when Kabba was beating Kundi, there were already alot of people pulling Kabba away. When Sia Kundi ran out, I was standing, looking through the door, and all I could manage to say was "Go for you", as Sia Kundi passed, meaning "get away to save yourself".

When Kabba went on his rampage I held my ground, standing there quietly. But standing there, though, my body was all aflutter. If I wanted to throw a punch at Kabba, then all I would have been able to manage was to raise my arm, if that. I didn't have control over my body. It was acting on its own, playing the part of the chicken. Kabba, on the other hand, looked terrifying. He is a bit bigger than I am and supposedly much stronger. What made him terrifying though, was the fact that he had his adrenilin flowing. He had every muscle tense and ready for action. If he threw a punch, it might go through a wall. It would be suicide to tangle with him.

But I stood my ground anyhow. As weak as I was, he could have knocked me down by just blowing on me. He never paid any attention to me though, and I stood there quietly, not saying a word, but taking everything in. The people had him under control.

This sure ruined the dance for me though. His beating Sia Kundi hurt me just as much, if not more. I didn't see Sia Kundi the rest of that night, and couldn't help being concerned about her situation. That of being married to a man like Tamba Kabba. When I woke up this morning, I noticed Sia Kundi dancing in one of the groups. I didn't see Kabba anywhere. Even Sia Kundi was out dancing, trying to have a good time, I could tell that she wasn't. She had a worried look on her face, and kept looking around all of the time, hoping to see Kabba before he had a chance to see her. I left her there dancing and I came back here to Kamiendor. I don't know how things will work out. We'll just have to wait and see.

Last night in bed, I was going over this whole thing of wife beating. People were saying that since Kabba bought her for his wife, he had a right to beat her. If she did something that he didn't like, then he had the right to beat her, no questions asked. It appeared to me that you couldn't get much closer to slavery than this. In this country, the family sells off its daughters into marriage. The woman doesn't really have much to say in the matter. The matter of love is not at issue here. The woman then basicly becomes a slave to her husband. She doesn't really have any rights of her own. She does what her man says, or suffers the consequences. The man, on the other hand, is still free to do whatever he wants; go find another woman, even.

Therefore, it is not just Kabba's beating Sia Kundi that hurts me, but it is the whole arrangement to begin with. It is just that it is Sia Kundi that I really love and care for, and that actually being there when she was beaten, it really hit home.

I want to promise myself that I won't take no shit from Tamba Kabba, and that if he wants to start something, then I am willing to have it out with him. That is what I want to promise myself, but it is a matter of not chickening out when the time comes. We'll see.

Tuesday, January 31, 1978, 3:00 pm, Day 735

I want to apologize to her, to tell her that I am sorry, sorry for her getting beat, but even more sorry for me and the way that I just stood by and did nothing. I think that this might be the reason why she is not talking to me. I hope that if I am able to tell her the things that I want to tell her, then it will greatly ease the tension in the air.

Sia Kundi doesn't seem to have any problem talking to the other people. If I can talk to her, then she should be able to talk to me.

I seem to be taking this thing harder than she is. She is going about things normally. Except for one thing. She is wearing a bra now, while cooking. It is the first time that I have seen her wear one in 6 or 7 months or so. I don't know how this beating could have caused her to change like that. Maybe its part of her playing things cool towards me. She might be covering up because of me, but this is the first time in ever so long a time, not since she has gotten used to my presence, when I no longer felt like a stranger to her.

I was just reading over what I wrote this morning. The part about where I was at during the beating didn't come across too good.

Sia Kundi just told me that the reason that Kabba beat her last night was for me. She says that Kabba told her this morning that it was because we two went to the dance. She also says that Kabba told her that if he met me at the house with her, then we would make palaver. That is where I am now, and where I usually am every afternoon, and I don't plan to change. This does explain why Sia Kundi is wearing the bra, though. She wants to get rid of all appearances that she is making up to me.

This all broke the ice, so that I was able to tell Sia Kundi most of what I wanted to.

Back to where I - (later)

Tuesday, January 31, 1978, 8:00 pm, Day 735

Part of it might be due to Sia Kundi. She has been giving me the cold shoulder all day today. I don't blame her because I figure that it is just out of fear of her husband that she is treating me this way. The beating is still fresh in her mind, and her body is still sore, so I can see where she wouldn't want to chance a quick repeat performance.

Being that Sia Kundi has treated me this way, though, it might have affected my subconscious mind by opening the box which has been holding me inside all day. I was able to be myself again, carefree and happy-go-lucky. If I had felt this way at the dance, then I would have had a great time. But I didn't. I was hurt and shamed by the beating, and it was heavy on my mind for the longest time, making everything else unpleasant. I had a bad time at the dance, and I am not glad that I went. That's too bad, too. The dance is still going on just now. It started early yesterday or maybe even the day before. It looks like it might try to make it through this night also.

Now, finally, back to where I was during the beating. It seems that I was there mentally but not physically. I was keenly aware of everything that happened there. I wanted to do my part to help. But I found it impossible for me to do so. It must be that my subconscious mind was out to save my skin, because it was certainly sending out an interference pattern to all of my muscles, making it impossible for my conscious mind to tell my muscles to do something. My body was out of my conscious control. Some call it "weak-knees". I felt that. I had to lean back against the wall to keep from falling over by mistake. They also call it "butterflies in your stomach". I felt that too. That was the fluttering that I mentioned last time, and is the interference pattern that I was talking about this time. The way my muscles felt, it felt like the same way that an out-of-sync. film projector makes the film look, the way it flutters around so.

I said before that I stood my ground. That was a bit of an over-statement, I think, as it implies that someone was trying to move me and I wouldn't budge. The fact is that I was standing there, leaning against the wall, and Kabba completely ignored me. In all of his rampage, he did not once send any of it on me.

With what he supposedly told Sia Kundi this morning though, that seems strange. That part about the beating being partly because of me. If that was the case and Kabba was mad at me also, it seems strange that he didn't send any of his fury my way last night. I could always hope that it is because Kabba is afraid of me, but I think that would be too much to hope for.

I am going down tomorrow. I'll be in Freetown for about a week. I am content to just leave things hanging now, and then hopefully, in a week everything will be cooled down and forgotten, and so I'll be able to come back and meet all things back to normal.

P.S. Also, Kabba is being fined 40 leones by the chief, which makes me feel good.