Friday, March 4, 1977, 9:00 pm - Day 402

One spot is on my right thumb, which I also have jammed, so that this writing is very painful and seems pretty awkward. You can probably see the difference in the handwriting.

This accident came about 9 miles outside of Kamiendor, on my way to Saiama by the long way. I was going 25 to 30 mph when I came across a rut crossing the road. I went over it, with the motorcycle bouncing up it hit the other side. When the motorcycle came down, it was at such an angle that the back tire slipped out instead of grabbing. Down I went, then immediately stood up again, more frustrated at myself than hurt.

I shut the motorcycle off, picked it back up, and inspected the damage; first of myself and then of the motorcycle. Nothing that can't be fixed. Needless to say, I went slower during the rest of the journey.

You might be wondering why I would still consider this a good day. After having read all of those pages that I have wrote the last few days, you might not be wondering at all. You might be thinking, "This boy's gone mad! He's talking alot of nonsence." Believe me, there were a few times when I thought I might be going mad. I kept comparing myself with Charlie from the book, "Flowers for Algernon". I don't think I am going mad anymore. I think I am normal.

God is still here today. I don't mean that I can feel him, but that I just know that he is there. This "God" thing was in my thoughts at times today. Most of the day, however, was filled with normal everyday thoughts, the kind that I used to always have.

With this new knowledge that I had about God, I started to consider some of the religious aspects about it. I considered that part about that person that they call Jesus Christ. Was he really who they say he was? Knowing God and accepting Jesus are not one and the same. I am not saying that Jesus was not the "son of God" or "God on Earth". All I am saying is that I do not know. I don't know enough to be able to make that decision yet, but I want to try to find out. For the first time in my life, I want to read the Bible.

And I want to read it for all of the right reasons, too. I want to read it to find out more about God, and Jesus Christ, and all of the writers of the Bible that claim to have known God. After looking at all of the thoughts of the Bible, and comparing them with my own thoughts, I should be able to decide. Yes or No, was Jesus Christ the Son of God? Yes or No, is the Bible really all that it claims to be? I don't know, but I intend to find out.

My thoughts on God started with my motorcycle fall. When I was up and going again, I thought back on what had just happened. I found that it was God's way of telling me, "Hey Stupid, slow down, you are going too fast!" I have always said that overconfidence kills, but I guess I didn't think of me as capable of falling into that trap. I sure deserved to fall down today, though. I felt so good this morning, that I just went flying along the road on my motorcycle. I had other close calls along the way, but didn't pay any attention to them. I even had one when I thought sure that I was going down, but somehow the motorcycle rode out of it.

I guess I thought that I was too good of a rider to fall down, so that even that very close call didn't do anything to slow me down, and so I just kept on flying along. Then I fell down. It was then that I finally saw that God was trying to tell me something, and that I had better take his advice and slow down. I slowed down alot, and it didn't bother me at all. I enjoyed it.

I now saw that God works by deeds, but does not work in the mind. He does not think my thoughts for me. God only does deeds and miracles, only physical things. "I had eyes but could not see, ears but could not hear, lips but could not speak, and God opened them for me." This sounds like it is from the Bible. It explains what has happened to me exactly. The "Lips" part I knew even before I found God, but the other two and then putting them all together, I didn't think of until today. After I found that God worked physical acts only, I knew that it was left to me to interpret these acts correctly, and this I could now do because God opened my eyes and ears. Before I found God, it was harder for me to interpret what I saw and heard. I told you that before.

I said that my mind input was good but my output was bad. You see, it all fits. God is building a stronger and stronger argument to his existence, the more that I am able to interpret what he has done. I will use the parable (story) of the water system that didn't work.

"Parable of the Water System that Didn't Work"

Once upon a time, there was this small village in a small country in Africa. The water situation was very, very bad. People had to walk miles just for a bucket of water. A few years ago, somebody came to the village. He helped the villagers construct a water system. The people were very, very happy, and praised him high and low.

This water system was a simple one. It was a gravity-feed system, one that takes water from a stream and takes it by pipe into a storage tank which was on a small hill above the village. From the tank, another pipe then brought the water down to various taps located conveniently around the village. Another pipe also left the tank. This was the overflow pipe. It took any excess water from the tank to a spot far enough away, so as not to erode the foundation. This was a very simple water system, one that everyone thought would be fail-proof. This person then left, his job completed, feeling very happy and proud, knowing that he had done a good thing.

A year later, the water system broke down. Nobody was there who knew anything about water systems, or anything else that has to do with "progress" like that. All they knew was farming, and eating, and having children. Nothing else concerned them. They knew that water no longer came out of the water taps, but they didn't know why. They managed to get by, though, because they found that even though the taps in the village didn't work, water was still coming out of the overflow pipe. They quickly got used to climbing the little ways up the hill to get water, because even that was much easier than before, when there was no water system at all. They were satisfied. The water system did not work out as good as they thought, but it was better than nothing.

Finally, just recently, somebody finally came to the village who knew something. He happened to be a Peace Corps volunteer, working on water systems. He had heard that one had been installed in this village a few years ago, and wanted to see how it was doing. On seeing that it wasn't working, he began to investigate, starting out by walking uphill to the tank. When he saw water coming out of the overflow pipe, he knew that the intake was working fine. Water was coming into the tank, but the tank was already full, so it just continued right on through and out the overflow. The problem must be somewhere on the distribution section of the water system.

None of the taps worked, so he was able to narrow down the problem area to someplace between the tank and where the first water tap was. Since he was at the tank, he decided to start checking from that end. The first place that he checked was the main-line valve just outside the tank. This valve is for the purpose of shutting off the water when doing repairs on the system. To his complete amazement, he found the valve to be closed. No wonder they weren't getting any water down in the village! He opened the valve and then went back down into the village to see if his suspicions were correct.

The villagers met him on the way, rejoicing and praising his name. "A miracle!", they thought. All of the taps in the village had suddenly burst forth with water (as they had all been left open, as there hadn't before been any need to turn them off). The Peace Corps volunteer tried to explain to the villagers what they problem had been, and how he had fixed it, but the villagers just couldn't quite understand. They probably never will. His purpose fulfilled, the Peace Corps volunteer then left to go look at another water system.

The End

This came out better than I hoped. You might even say that it was inspired. It describes my situation perfectly, and in two ways. Taken literally, it describes me, a Peace Corps volunteer, and the job and situation that I am up against every day. Letting the objects and people mean different things, though, it describes my experience of finding God.

In the story, my body is the water system. My eyes and ears are the intake pipe. My words and deeds are the water that comes out of the pipe. My mind is the tank itself, which stores up everything that my eyes and ears bring in. The stream is everything that "is" in the world. The water flowing into the tank is what I actually see and hear. The people are just people in both cases, except for the Peace Corps volunteer. He is God.

Just as the Peace Corps volunteer fixed the water system, by just turning one valve, so God fixed me, by giving me the fever last Sunday. That over-powering outflow of thoughts was like the tank finally emptying out its long-held contents. By the end of Wednesday, I was drained completely and was at last able to sleep. I tried out my new self on Thursday, but the sun got to me. I tried again today, but my motorcycle stopped me. I think I have been born again, and am now going through all of the joys and pains of growing up. I am trying to walk, but first I must learn to crawl.