Wednesday, April 5, 1978, 2:00 pm, Day 799

Diana is a nice girl, and for me the prospect of marrying her is not completely out of the realm of possibilities, but I couldn't jump into it on the spur of the moment like that. First, there would have to be alot, alot of things that would have to be brought up, discussed, and settled. Everything would have to be gone over first, and then, only if I am then sure that Diana and I could live happily and peacibly in the life style to which I belong back home in America. Only then would I actually agree to get married. With Diana, I think that she might possibly be able to fit in with my family life, church life, social life. It would take some doing though. There would be alot of bad first reactions from people, all people, that we would have to be able to cope with.

Well, today at the Peace Corps office, I was talking with some of the other volunteers about my getting married today, and Christie, one of the Sierra Leoneon secretaries overheard me. She then proceeded to lecture me. She told me flatly not to do it. She took that written contract away from me and wouldn't let me have it again. I think that she thought that I was serious and that I was actually going to try to get married today.

Christie told me alot. First, she told me that I couldn't just go and get married like that. That first the American Ambassador had to agree, and also the Peace Corps director. Then there was much more stuff that she said had to be done to get the marriage license. She said that if she had her way, she would not give me that next year's extension. She would see that I got sent back to America before it was too late. Christie also said that a mature person wouldn't allow himself to change like that, that he should be able to leave the same way that he came in. I was listening. Alot of it really hit home. I hope that she was just over-reacting to the situation and not that what she said is really happening. I am afraid though, that the potential is there for these things to happen. There is some basis to it.

For example, I feel that Skep Nordmark is leaving this country almost totally unchanged from the way he was when he came in. I can't see any change in him at all. Now I, on the other hand, have changed immensely. I hope it has been all for the better, but there might be the danger of my over-doing it in the things that have changed in me. Before I came into this country, I never partied. I never even really wanted to. I felt that it just wasn't me. The beers, the women, the dancing, these are all part of the partying. I never had anything to do with these things before. But now I do. Smoking and drugs might also be thrown into this partying business, but I have maintained my old self in my refusal to partake in them. Beer drinking, I have begun in this country, but it has not gotten out of hand. It is possible that I have still never been drunk. When I am upcountry or by myself, I never have a beer. I only have beers if the social situation calls for it, like when I go out for a drink with some fellow volunteers, or go out dancing with the ladies.

Next is the women. So far I have only slept with black women, and that, only in this country. I have, however, gotten into the habit of just about flirting with any and all females. I have gotten so that I am very friendly to the ladies, both black and white, old and young, beautiful and ugly, just anyone. I love it and they all do to. Now, with the dancing, I just love it. I never danced before I came to this country, but now it might even be the thing that I love to do most of all. Lately, my dancing has gotten some attention and comment, but I don't think that it was because it was wierd or wild, but that it was good. My dancing style is pretty conventional here, and it works good on crowded dance floors because it doesn't interfere with anyone else. My head, hands, and feet are kept pretty close to motionless, so they aren't getting in other people's way. Therefore, my dancing style is socially acceptable. I like to dance, people say that I know how to dance, I can put alot of energy into my dancing, and I really get into it.

Therefore, I have changed in my stay here in Sierra Leone. I have changed from a non-partier to possibly the biggest partier in Peace Corps. This might be my problem (potentially). If I am unable to limit my nights out on the town, my nights out dancing, my flirting with all of the ladies, then that would cause some problems, and Peace Corps would do best to send me home. If, on the other hand, if I could limit myself to socially acceptable amounts, then I could do a very effective job here. If I tried to cut it all out completely, then I would probably go crazy from the desire. That is where its at. Christie thought that I had gone too far, and that it was best that I was sent back home. I could see where the idea of marrying Diana could be seen that way.

With these four nights out partying lately, I still managed to get stuff done Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, but Tuesday I was just wasted. There was a chance that I would have gone out last night also, but I managed to go to bed early instead. Therefore, I think that those first three nights might have been alright, as they were on the weekend. The last night though, and that potentially 5th one also, would both have been over the socially acceptable limit. If I go out all of those other nights, then I find thatI just don't have the urge or desire to even try to get anything accomplished concerning work.

One thing that might be causing these overdoses of nights out on the town is my schedule. The fact that I have to keep jumping between Freetown and Kamiendor. If I was always in Freetown, with a regular Monday to Friday job, I could very nicely be satisfied with just going out Friday and Saturday nights. This would fill my need for women and dancing, and still leave me capable of doing my job. Splitting my time with Kamiendor though, and not having any regular working days or working hours, things just don't come out the same. In Kamiendor I spend most of my time working. I can't usually be satisfied with the women and dancing opportunities there, because they are few and far between. Therefore, I have all of this desire building up inside of me until I reach Freetown, where I can try to satisfy it. Often, this then ends up being on a weekday night, or as in this latest case, extending past the weekend. I try to keep myself under control but it doesn't always work. Christie's lecture to me today probably helped to straighten me out a little.

Well, I did do some work today. I stopped in at the Ministry and gave Mr.Dainkeh my extension request. I then asked him how the Ministry-supplied materials were coming along. He said that things still weren't ready. He did say though, that CUSO materials were just about ready to go, like maybe in another week. Also, Mr.Dainkeh said he is going to leave in about another three weeks, and that he is also looking for another job.

Friday, April 7, 1978, 6:00 pm, Day 801

Once I do leave Freetown, I don't plan to come back for a long time. Freetown isn't good for me. I want to get away from it. The thingis that this last stay here in Freetown, I have not actually accomplished much of anything. Well, not really that. It is just that I have been here a whole week and haven't been able to spend much time on work. I've had much, much more than the proper share of partying, and I am feeling very guilty about it. I can't help myself here in Freetown. New people are popping in every day, and I can't get myself to turn down the chance of going out and partying with them. It looks like I am going out again tonight. Becky and Janice are just down from Bo and want to go out dancing. How am I going to refuse that?

That is why I want to get me up and out of Freetown. I want to get back up to Kamiendor first and get some work done. Then after a few weeks I will go down to the village of Faiama, 140 miles south. There they say, is an ideal place for a gravity-feed system, so I will spend a week or so there to survey the place and do a complete design on it.